If I could do it all over again
Have you ever started a sentence with those words? I have done so many times. Eventually James maybe got a bit tired of it and asked me “well why can’t you?” I had my excuses such as “we have kids now”, “it is too hard”, “I am too old”, “it is too far away”, “it will be very costly” and so on. James had a solution to all of my excuses and most importantly he showed me enthusiasm that I was afraid to show so early on in the process.
So this September I am taking the first steps towards the career of my dreams, I am going to study midwifery at Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen. I submitted my application in January; I remember me and JJ pressing “submit” together. Shortly after I got an email inviting me to a interview. This was the first time it hit me that this could really be happening.
When I was in high school my dream was to be a midwife or a nurse. I still remember using one of the high school desktops to check the requirements for studying midwifery in Denmark and my grades were just not quite there and I walked away. After high school I took two gap years during which I got a good job at the museum of natural history, which was something I was also very passionate about. One thing lead to another and before I knew it I had applied to study biology at the University of Aberdeen. What not so many people know is that I also applied for Human Embryology and Developmental Biology, there has always been an interest in how our life begins and develops. However I changed my biology degree to Marine Biology and later also studied Marine Mammal Science in St. Andrews.
Masterpieces and courage
I only told a handful of friends, including my siblings (and James of course), that I would be submitting an application for midwifery. I was afraid to tell too many people in case I did not get accepted, I was afraid to let anyone down and thought that the more I told the bigger the failure would be should I not be accepted. Not only was I afraid of failing, I was also afraid of their questions. Why was I doing this when I already had both a BSc and Mres in completely different subjects? Had I made the wrong choices previous and how did I know that this was the right choice?
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and that we do not make mistakes, but that our decisions in life are steps along the way. Life is a direction, not a destination. One of my favourite Faroese musicians Teitur Lassen has a song called All My Mistakes and these 3 lines are from his song:
Because of faith, because of courage
Because of forgiveness
All my mistakes have become masterpieces
I will allow myself to have faith in myself, I will let my courage shine through and I will forgive myself for ever doubting myself previously. I believe that all the decisions that I have made up until now in life have taken me to where I am now and now I have the courage to pursue my dream.
Telling friends and family about my decision to study midwifery has been so much fun. Everyone has had a positive reaction. I particularly remember the reaction of one of my friends who said, “that just makes perfect sense”, and I could not agree more. Seeing how happy and excited everyone is for me has filled me with joy and I will remind myself of those reactions, when ever doubt might try to cloud my mind.
Can’t stop smiling
Seeing friends pursue the careers of their dreams, even if they did not start out on that path, and seeing my family being incredibly brave in challenging times, has inspired me to pursue my dream. We only live once and have decided not to be afraid of failure but am terrified of regret. It is only me who is in charge of my own happiness and I am confident that midwifery and me are going to be a very happy and content match. When I think about the fact that I will be a midwife I can’t stop smiling. I have also had a few moments when I get so emotional about it that I cry a little. But these are tears of joy and passion.
There is a Norwegian proverb that says “The greatest joy is to become a mother; the second greatest is to be a midwife”. Now, I am not a midwife yet, but I am a mother and I can truly say that the adventure that is about to start excites me as much as being a mother did and still does.